John C Maxwell

'A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.'

The joys of being an Undergraduate

Its weird coming onto my blog after being so in love the last time I wrote on here.

Stratch that...I am still in love. Just I wasn't enough. End of that story.

Reading how much effort I put into writing about him gives me this feeling, low in my stomach, like like its empty even though I've just ate, like its just deflating and giving up. I can be perfectly fine, walking and talking with friends and then I get a text from him. and there it goes...just pow. I'm back to feeling like I could crawl along the gutter after him. Everything around me doesn't matter anymore, i just want to read it as fast as I can in the hope, just maybe, he will say he loves me too.

Its weird writing about heartbreak. I love writing about happy feelings and emotions cause you can describe how everything around you glistens, how happy every step you take is.

Then all of a sudden its over, your partner wants to take a different path and your stuck at this massive crossroads. Do I follow him and hope he realises that actually he does need me and he wouldn't want to be without me, or do i take my own path and hope either he turns and follows me?

For the time being I'm just waiting, I'm trying to concentrate on the most important thing right now and that's university. Even that sucks. Everyone is in love, all the boys are complete jocks. I feel I cant escape just feeling like crap, i'm embracing it, and just wallowing in my self pity.

Even the university lecturers just want us to 'draw up our emotional baggage' as we 'cannot form therapeutic relationships even we are not aware of our own STUFF'. I don't want to. I'm already choking through the tears of past two weeks to even think of adding to it, thank you.

SO, i shall not be writing bout love any time soon. Just the joys of being an undergraduate at Worcester University, the fun of teenage life and good ol' family.

Hopefully I can get into writing blogs more often, I miss it.